Category Archives: PMS – Post Memoir Syndrome

Choice & Freedom

As a woman coming of age in the 70’s, I… I chose the road less traveled by. I bucked up against societal norms, and at age 33 left my husband of fourteen years and my three young children. And, that has made all the difference. Some would say I had a choice. Did I? While […]

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My destiny for of learning was cast in Pocatello, Idaho at Lincoln Elementary School in 1945. At six years old, I sat in the early months of first grade where I’d been happily learning the sounds and tastes and feel of balls and bananas and baseball bats; how they bounce and taste and are used […]

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Recipe for Forgiveness

After listening to a deep inner call, I was compelled to leave my husband of 14 years, and 3 young children, I hung out in denial for years as a means of coping with the path I’d chosen. Hindsight shows me that I took on a disproportionate share of the damage from the fallout, sentencing […]

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Journey to Forgiveness

Journey to Forgiveness Forgiveness comes more front and center every day. I’m learning that forgiveness didn’t just happen because I gave a nod to it. I am growing into it. In the early days of self-forgiveness I didn’t know what to do with it, how to take up the heart space that opened in my […]

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Forgiving Mama

I’ve lived long enough to know that when I forgive myself, I’ll forgive my mother. Or, is it the other way around? “It’s tempting to blame our parents… for our chaos. However, blaming others moves us in the wrong direction. Becoming accountable for everything is the essence of true transformation” – Yehuda Berg What went […]

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Missing Piece

For years I carried the mantel of thinking I was not good enough. Along with that erroneous burden, I became a victim and was filled with doubt, guilt and shame. I went so far as to name my victimhood, my prosecutor: The Judge. With The Judge came frequent self-flagellations. At the height of these low […]

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Waking Up

Waking up. What kind of person makes the life-changing decision to essentially abandon her husband of fourteen years and their three young daughters, shattering five lives in the process? In 1972, at thirty-three years of age, I did not own the emotional resources to ask myself that question. I made the decision to leave with […]

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Continuing the theme of magic from my last blog, I will dig deeper into the wisdom of seasoned perception, and show how I continued to hone my alchemist prowess on my journey toward forgiveness. The punishing effects of the cause I made as a young adult steadily dissipated and I determined to keep on course. […]

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The following sentence, “If you believe in the magic ability to turn toxic energy into fairy dust, then this book is for you,” appears on the second page of my memoir, Flight Instructions: A Journey Through Guilt to Forgiveness. In the next 250 pages I give those words expression. The key ingredient on this decade’s long journey was forgiveness: Forgiveness that opened my heart space to love.

My sojourn began with a call from deep inside, a summons ferocious enough to wrench me from my husband of fourteen years, and three young children. Mine was a two-pronged journey, one prong an empowered woman on a mission of self-discovery, the other a non-traditional mother struggling to reconcile both legs of the journey. I was not the only cargo on board that departing fight. In the early days of travel, the heavy load of guilt and shame hindered the navigation. Those emotions pushed against the fragile wings, threatening to pull the flight off course.

When we lose our map, our real knowledge of the path begins. –Mark Nepo

Ever so gradually, as my insight sharpened, the craft managed to right itself and find a steady course. The new awareness helped me to realize that I was the last hold-out on the final leg, stalling the arrival: Forgiveness of self was the hardest part.

Along the way, to produce a higher octane, I added a few ingredients to the fuel line: one tablespoon of purpose; half a cup of confidence; a dash of grit. Later I added a full three cups of nurturing. Even later, as I begin my decent, I dumped in a bottle of LOVE to leaven my soul along with a splash of “Joy” to enliven my Spirit, making a successful landfall.

As I deplaned, my mind’s eye cleverly swept up all the forgiveness from my daughters’, as well as my once-husband, and the girl’s step-mom, turned it into fairy dust, and funneled it into a bottle labeled: sprinkle liberally as needed.

Some changes look negative on the surface, but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge. –Eckhart Tolle