The following sentence, “If you believe in the magic ability to turn toxic energy into fairy dust, then this book is for you,” appears on the second page of my memoir, Flight Instructions: A Journey Through Guilt to Forgiveness. In the next 250 pages I give those words expression. The key ingredient on this decade’s long journey was forgiveness: Forgiveness that opened my heart space to love.
My sojourn began with a call from deep inside, a summons ferocious enough to wrench me from my husband of fourteen years, and three young children. Mine was a two-pronged journey, one prong an empowered woman on a mission of self-discovery, the other a non-traditional mother struggling to reconcile both legs of the journey. I was not the only cargo on board that departing fight. In the early days of travel, the heavy load of guilt and shame hindered the navigation. Those emotions pushed against the fragile wings, threatening to pull the flight off course.
When we lose our map, our real knowledge of the path begins. –Mark Nepo
Ever so gradually, as my insight sharpened, the craft managed to right itself and find a steady course. The new awareness helped me to realize that I was the last hold-out on the final leg, stalling the arrival: Forgiveness of self was the hardest part.
Along the way, to produce a higher octane, I added a few ingredients to the fuel line: one tablespoon of purpose; half a cup of confidence; a dash of grit. Later I added a full three cups of nurturing. Even later, as I begin my decent, I dumped in a bottle of LOVE to leaven my soul along with a splash of “Joy” to enliven my Spirit, making a successful landfall.
As I deplaned, my mind’s eye cleverly swept up all the forgiveness from my daughters’, as well as my once-husband, and the girl’s step-mom, turned it into fairy dust, and funneled it into a bottle labeled: sprinkle liberally as needed.
Some changes look negative on the surface, but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge. –Eckhart Tolle