Three hundred and forty days of the year my mornings begin with a pre-breakfast daily ritual of spiritual food to feed my soul. I read bits from the current month’s edition of Science of Mind magazine, passages from The Science of Mind by Ernest Holmes, pray, and mediate. Every other day my ritual is followed with a walking mediation on a beautiful nature trail nearby. On alternate days the ritual is followed by yoga and a mile on my treadmill.
Today I’m aware that my mood is bouncing around from joy all the way to sadness and back again. I have the sensation of feeling lost. I think it’s about growth – new growth PMS-Post Memoir Syndrome. I’ve planted new seeds and need to be patient, to water them with love and watch them grow, nurture them as the PMS-me prepares to burst through to the surface.
I keep saying its PMS. That’s a part of it, but it’s more. I’m thinking that the sadness is related to saying good bye to what’s been and opening, preparing, for what’s to come.
Writing certain scenes in the memoir was painful, especially when digging up certain things from the past about leaving my children. I would experience physical pain, become ill, and would have to stop writing for a while. The symptoms were always about guilt, fear, pain, unresolved issues, loss of power, out of balance, over and over again. I could feel it in my solar plexus, then in my stomach and my back and neck, different parts in the right and left side of my body, as well as bouts with vertigo.
During that time period in my life, after leaving my children, I clung tightly to the low level vibrations of fear, guilt and unworthiness which held me back because I never felt truly worthy of joy and pleasure. I now understand, and now see what is happening is a residual, a left-over from the old days.
I’m done with that. I’m moving on.
The Spirit knows no past… it is swallowed up in the victory of a perfect present … filled with love and protection. – Ernest Holmes