Triumph is my word for the year. One Sunday, right after the New Year, Rev. V suggested we choose a word for the New Year rather than a resolution that probably wouldn’t be kept. The instructions were to hold the word in the seat of our consciousness for a few weeks to make sure it squared with our reality of time and place.
I loved this suggestion, took it to heart, but as I sat in silence, I couldn’t think of a word that resonated. Then, in an instant, “victory” popped into my head. I let this float through January to make sure it was the right one. On the 24th I drifted back to the word. Yes, I like it—oops! Wait a minute. In my mind’s eye I see “triumphant.” Okay, close enough to victory I think. But no, triumphant was insistent.
Triumphant is how I felt post-memoir. The book written and scheduled for a March release date, did indeed feel like a triumph. Victorious was the sensation, feeling a glow of newness as I watched things began to shift with the shucking off of that last veneer of guilt; my confidence and self-esteem steadily rising. My real triumph, though, was in answering an inner call 40 years ago that led to self-discovery. My journey is a commentary on how it’s never too late to grow, to change. If we pay attention, spiritual evolution is always upward, a mobility that “allows the divine to move things into place,” as a wise person once said.
This life passage reminds me of something Ernest Holmes said, “We must be left alone to discover ourselves.” It can’t be forced, we usually seek discovery either out of spiritual curiosity or great need.
Another spiritual teacher says it doesn’t have to be a struggle, it does take effort but we do not have to work hard at it. My melodramatic response was, “What, no struggle?” But as I reflect back, she’s right. My flight was painful at times. Being spiritually asleep, I my not have always understand, but I didn’t struggle. I lurched head-on into my journey and look where I’ve ended up! Still learning, still growing, and still seeking.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. -Rumi